Glee 3x02, "I Am Unicorn"

What a patchwork quilt...if a patchwork quilt were made 50% from lovely squares of fabric and 50% from used coffee filters and ham chunks.

Kurt and Burt scene? Great.

Kurt and Brittany scenes? Great.

Brittany and Santana scene? Great.

On the other hand:
Sue's continuing awkwardly scripted, thoroughly stupid crusade against the arts? Dumbo.

The return of Shelby? Sort of emotionally resonant, I guess, but also poorly thought out and clearly not intended to be a long-haul kind of arc, when really, an open adoption and its impact on both the adoptive mother and the teens could be an entire series on its own.


Rachel and Finn? Look, they're clearly not my thing anymore, and this exploration of Finn's crappy dancing as a metaphor for his divergent life path from Rachel is, indeed, crappy--in an unintentional sort of way. I guess if the show seemed more aware that teenagers always believe they are meant to be together forever and that they usually face pragmatic change like "You're a dumbo who can't dance, and I'm going to be a bright shining star" with glazed-over insistence that someone isn't a dumbo...but the show wants to have its grown-up cake while frosting it with teen 4EVAH Finnelberry or what-the-fuck-ever Funfetti. Look, show, you're not My So-Called Life (which I only half-watched) or Freaks and Geeks. Commit to being an overidealized, larger-than-life view on teen life and love because that's where you've got some muscle. You left behind "dark exploration of the disappointing journey from child to adult" about 2+ seasons ago.

Kurt being too gay for musical theatreeeeeee leads? Excuse me, have the writers ever, ever, ever, ever, ever been to a Broadway show? And if this is the way they intend to inject conflict into Kurt and Blaine's relationship... I suppose could trust a show less to handle the layers and intricacies of a matter such as this, but Jeezy Creezy, I don't know how that's emotionally possible.

Speaking of Blaine...

"'There are so many other characters on the show that I'm actually more excited to see, though. Blaine has had his time in the sun and I think it's time to focus on other people - there are so many other stories to be told that I'm curious in as a fan."
--Darren Criss in a recent Marie Claire UK interview

Yes, let us see how that's going for our darling, modest, "perfect" non-lead:

A continuing education on life, based on soaps

Do you know what I have discovered recently? That newspaper magnates are superb at lurking and growing beards. Todd Manning and Jack Deveraux should teach a course at the Soap Opera School of Life Skills Annex about hanging around in bushes, snidely commenting on their loved ones' choices, and having distinct Grizzly Adams facial hair whilst doing so. One assumes the Grizzly Adams facial hair is the only reason some random extra doesn't blurt "Hey, isn't that..." Well, that and the writing that keeps these captains of media unrecognized, even when they're only 15% hidden in any given scene.

And by the way, I'm returning to DOOL after probably five or six years, so forgive me if I absolutely refuse to learn some of these characters' names. For example, Stefano had someone hanging around him in Monday's ep. I can only assume it is one of his MILLION children. I believe he's the British one, so his name is, I think, EJ. But I'm going to call him Tall-y. Because he's real tall.

Other things on DOOL:
1) Judi Evans's hair is super cute.
2) ...there's something redeeming about Daniel, right? Because holy shit, he and Jennifer were nauseating throughout that episode. What are you two, 13 years old?
3) Maggie and Victor...who'd have thunk it.

Glee, 3x01

Rather than complain about all the things I found same-old same-old stupid in last night's season premiere of Glee, I will instead focus on a few positive things:

1. I liked Kurt's '80s throwback neon-and-pastel plaid suit.
2. Mark Salling mugged it up big time during "We Got the Beat."
3. ...

Two positive things! Two! AH-AH-AH!

I found it awful that Vulture made a pretty sharp list of things the show could do to improve itself, and instead, it stuck to what it has done wrong for ages: focus on an issue to the point of suffocating the audience, e.g., Glee is about supporting arts education! CHOKE ON IT!; introduce new, forgettable characters like Sugar and Mercedes's Boyfriend That Is Not Sam; and make Sue as ridiculous and pointless as ever as she runs for office.

Also, while I appreciate that sometimes, various factions of viewers want something, I'll tell you this from a fairly dispassionate perspective: Harry Shum Jr. and Jenna Ushkowitz should stick to dancing and/or singing. The less "acting" those two do, the better. Not every second-string character is meant to shine. Not everyone is Naya Rivera.