This Week on "One Life To Live" (the good, bad, indifferent, and ???)
Good:
- The return of the non-dog version of David Vickers, handsome in a full-length cashmere coat, a newly acquired(?) distinguished patch of white in his hair, and his amazing ability to ruthlessly jab me in the funny bone. I agree with Tina (uh, as she was looking for Princess David Vickers, her dog): come back, David Vickers, you naughty girl!
- Austin Peck as Rick. He's taken the stupidest tertiary character and has made him a constant surprise of verbal and nonverbal comedic delights. I mean, if you have to spend time with all those Fords and Starr's vapid songstress storyline, you might as well do it with Austin Peck doing his imitation of Dani, talking about unicorns and boy bands. (Side note: the song "One Life to Live" and Rick's threats about eliminating it...boy, I shouldn't laugh at that sort of thing and encourage fourth-wall breaking bologna, but I can't help myself).
- Byooooooooooootiful Téa Delgado who is sweeping around in her byooooooootiful cardigans, crying and being preggo...byoooooooooootifully. AND she's still the most bad-ass, smart character on the show, working to get Clint temporary release to be a part of Natalie's gross sham of a wedding.
- Equally byooootiful Blair, gettin' some in her sexy leather skirt (I mean, let's ignore the implication that Tomas Delgado is a two-pump chump). I wish someone would layer my hair like hers. Her layers are rad. And she's a good friend to Tea and had the best showdown with David Vickers (cashmere version, not dog version).
- Todd Todd Todd Todd Todd Todd Todd Todd Todd (with the exception of his stupid ghost-brainwash mother hanging around; I wish Todd would go on medication, if only to rid us from hamtime).
- Sam and his "magic wand." HAHAHAHAHA x 1,000,000. That kid is the best, pee hands aside.
- Jessica: I've decided I'm going to root for her, even though her wardrobe continues to be ridiculous and she insists on bonding with that dingle Ford Ford. Because at least she's being sincere and isn't rolling her eyes and being a big ol' bitch, Natalie, you big ol' bitch.
- Viki and Clint inching closer to a reunion. Tee hee!
Bad:
- Though the show has temporarily put the breaks on the Gigi as Stacey with Gigi's Face But It's Really Gigi storyline, but has somehow allowed for Rex to continue his dippy frowny-face routine.
- Natalie and (I still love you, Tanner Scofield!) John McBain and Brody: I get that this is something soaps like to do, but it'd be nice if I could root for one person in the midst of this never-ending paternity/wedding mess. But Natalie is awful, John is an impotent mopeus, and Brody...well, I think I'd like Brody better if he were full-on, balls-out evil, rather than this doorstop-wedging incompetent evil that he is.
- Roxy: normally her hamtime doesn't super irritate me. But shut up, squawkbox. God almighty. If she said "Johnny" or "Natty" one more time this week, I would have reached through the screen and knocked her garish centerpiece/hat off her wig.
- Lack of more Tina and Cord post-reunion. Boooooooooo!
- No Cutter either. Boooooooooo the sequel!
Indifferent:
- Shaun and Vivian's relationship drama. Maybe have them on more than once a lunar cycle, and I'd feel more invested.
- Tomas Delgado Investigates. Can't that dude just paint some more or something?
???
- This whole business with Jack and Neela. As fond as I am of these romances of convenience on soaps, the way this is playing out concurrently with Jack's poorly executed arson is ??? Also: Jack's "attraction" to Neela being communicated via stuttering and accidental gallantry kind of makes sense for the character, I guess, but it doesn't make it any more painfully crapful to watch. Seriously, this is all like a super-awful teen adaptation Mississipi Masala (from what I vaguely recall of the video box I saw a few times at Mr. Movies before I elected to rent something sans Denzel Washington).
- While the paternity of Liam shenanigans have gone on for what seems like a Sisyphean eternity, so help me, if Princess David Vickers runs up the aisle of the church with the paternity test in her mouth, I may have to reassess my constant irritation and complaining about the storyline.
I think my DVR ate a bunch of episodes from two weeks ago, so I missed the end (?) of the StaGigi storyline and Neela's arrival. While I don't feel like I actually, you know, missed anything, can you fill in the blanks on StaGigi? Is Cutter gone gone?
ReplyDeleteThe Staci Gigi Rex Cutter storyline is still going strong. Cutter and Gigi showed up to Rex's Hallowiener party and there was a scene (Cutter's mummy costume snagged, and of course he was shirtless underneath, and Aubrey recognized his "seven-pack" and nipples, which was pretty funny). Then Rex barged into Gigi and Cutter's room at the Minuteman, like a psycho, and Gigi hid in the bathroom while Rex talked for, like, five scenes about how wonderful Gigi was. It was dumb, to say the least.
ReplyDeleteThen Gigi threatened to leave (again) or get plastic surgery to revert her face back to Stacy's (???). And that's where we left it.
Okay, sounds like I only missed Gigi's last threat (and three of the never ending Rex-talks-to-the-door scenes.)
ReplyDeleteCatching up now. I think the whole singing thing is proof that there are too many interchangeable Fords. I did not realize the porn Ford was the one in the video, not the boyfriend Ford or the jug-eared Ford Ford. Did you ever think we would be happy that AUSTIN PECK was there to liven a scene? Remember when he was a Ford-like creature himself?
Yeah, I remember when they announced that Austin Peck was going to be joining ATWT and told you, "Oh, boo, that guy stinks." How far Master Austin has come. Then again, Austin The Character on DOOL was a drip, so maybe I shouldn't have judged him so harshly.
ReplyDeleteI don't even pretend to be able to tell the Porn Ford and the Other Ford apart. Seriously. The only reason Ford Ford stands out is that he has more scenes and is usually carting around a cute toddler.